In The inner game in all of us I spoke about Tim Gallwey’s book, The Inner Game of Work, which looked at the way we learn and develop.
Tim’s premise is that we have two parts, Self One, which we would roughly consider our ego or conscious mind, and Self Two which houses the innate learning ability we are born with. In many circumstances the key to learning is to minimize the interference of our analytic side and to enjoy, observe and be mindful of our task- allowing our innate learning side to operate.
If one continues on this course of thought, it becomes apparent that we must have trust in our innate natural self as well as a trust in fate (or trust in chance) in order to reach a state in which we are primed to learn and grow with the least amount of effort.
For those of us with analytic, focused and controlling personalities this is not a mental state which is easy to access. It requires a certain amount of practice in turning off the self-critical part of our brains.
However, for those with chronic illness or a history of poverty, abuse or alcoholism – this mental state can be even more challenging to access.
Let me give you an example in my own life. I got sick when I was a child and my painful, unpredictable illness was compounded by the fact that my parents were alcoholics. While my parents were neither abusive or violent, they were often irrational due to their alcohol dependency. We would have the same experience, witnessing a fender-bender during a drive to the cottage for instance, but have totally different perceptions of reality. My memory of the event would be fairly fixed, but as I heard my parents relate the event to others, their account would swing wildly depending on how much they had to drink or who they were talking to. One moment the fender-bender would be a major accident filled with details of blood and body-bags. The next telling of the story may involve non-existent conversations with police or other bystanders. Then when asked to recount the incident a week later, they would have totally forgotten it.
You can imagine what happens to a child who is surrounded by people whose reality is so elastic. It becomes very difficult for that child to trust what they see and hear. That mistrust often continues into adulthood.
Mistrust in self judgement is one thing. Mistrust in fate or chance is another. When a person is struck down by an illness that they had no part in creating, it becomes difficult for them to trust in fate. Fate hurts. Chance hurts. You can’t just assume that things will be okay when your body is a ticking time-bomb and you don’t know when it is set to go off.
Up until recently my view of life was that my controlling, analytical self was responsible for everything positive I had accomplished. Fate and chance were my enemies – making me sick and throwing obstacles in my way. The more I controlled, focused and analyzed the better off I would be. Eventually I realized that this model of my world was somewhat one-sided and that trust in myself and trust in fate were important tools that would help me tackle problems in a more efficient way and remain more relaxed in the process.
The point of the post is this… I know so many people who try to meditate or relax or otherwise try to gain the clarity of mind that comes with silencing the inner critic of Self One. At a certain point, on their way to this clarity, many people get stuck. They stop progressing and throw in the towel.
Before this happens, ask yourself these questions: Do I trust my inner self? Do I trust fate or chance? If the answer is no, try to determine why. Be honest about your view of the world. Is it a view that promotes the growth of yourself as a person? If not, perhaps that view is due for a change.
